"When I began revealing the pieces of myself that were
I want to end this hurting I can't make go away. I want to end this unfulfilled life I see ahead of me. I say over and over out loud, "I'm tired. I'm done. I can't keep going." It's like I want Heavenly Father to hear me and just make my heart stop beating. Just put me out of my misery. I don't have a rental car and I'm out in the middle of nowhere so a grocery store is not close by for me to get a bottle of ibuprofen.
I turn 14 today! I'm excited for the fun day ahead of me as I get ready for the day. My mom walks into my room and tells me ,"Darin came into the living room last night and told your Dad and I that his stomach hurt, and that he swallowed all the pills in a bottle of ibuprofen. We took him to the hospital to have his stomach pumped. He's ok, we can go later today to see him."
I'm confused....I ask my mom, "Why did he swallow the pills? " She tells me that he was trying to kill himself.
I now understand why my brother, almost 3 years after my 14th birthday, nearly 16 years ago, overdosed and successfully ended his life. I feel some of the pain he must have felt to be so desperate to want to leave this world.
I am filled with awe as I drive over bridge after bridge above this beautiful, clear, turquoise water. I spend some time at a few beaches, do some shopping and watch the sunset from the incredible, 7 mile bridge, which was absolutely breathtaking! The most fun of all is when I went scuba diving off Key West to the Vandenberg! It's the 2nd largest artificial reef in the WORLD!! It sits about 140 feet down on the ocean floor in the corner of the BERMUDA TRIANGLE! That's right, I went scuba diving in the Bermuda Triangle! I did 2 dives, 95 feet down to the ship, and it was incredible!
One woman at the workshop went up to Dr. Dyer on the break and told him she once had taken a gun to a hotel room planning to kill herself, when she had a thought to turn on the television. Dr. Dyer was on t.v. and whatever he said, stopped her from pulling the trigger.
I am so unfulfilled in life! I'm not living my life's purpose and because of this, I've been depressed for months. Why am I not living my life's purpose? What's at the source of me not living and doing what brings me so much joy?? Follow me on this blog as I take you through The Art of Creating Miracles. I will reveal the answers to these questions and share with you what I have learned, about how to create something when you have no idea how to make it happen.
If you are in that place of not wanting to live, or wanting to end your life, please please find something to bring you some kind of joy NOW. What is something you've always wanted to do but never have?? What are some of your hobbies, passions? Also please reach out to someone who cares about you and do what I didn't do...PRAY!
At the workshop I went to in Florida, Dr. Dyer shares these words from his new book "I Can See Clearly Now",
"Never forget that you are one of a kind. Never forget that if there weren't any need for you in all your uniqueness to be on this earth, you wouldn't be here in the first place. And never forget, no matter how overwhelming life's challenges and problems seem to be, that one person can make a difference in the world. In fact, it is always because of one person that all changes that matter in the world come about. So be that one person."
Please follow me on my journey this summer as I share all that I'm writing about in my book. I will be putting to practice the VERY principles of how to Create Miracles as I transform my health and fitness, and FINALLY live my life's purpose of empowering others to Create a Life you Love!
The FIRST principle to Create a Miracle in your life, is to "Tell The Truth". We need to first know where we are, to get where we want to go. In the next post, I will publish on or before Memorial day, I'll take you through taking a "snapshot" of your life. So many of us have been numbing ourselves and haven't been telling the truth to ourselves, let alone those we love, about how unfulfilled we are. Or if you are fulfilled, this is still the first step in taking areas of your life to the next level, reaching farther than you ever have.
Please help me honor my brothers life and share this blog with anyone you know who suffers from depression, suicidal thoughts or anyone else who would love to learn how to Create Miracles in their life.
Achieving dreams that look completely impossible is a gift I have been given and am finally ready to share with the world!
One thing that has stopped me from sharing my writing is my imperfect grammar. I promise there will be LOTS of grammatical errors etc. This is no longer going to stop me from sharing with the world, this message that God has given me.
Nancy Levin, who is a published author and spoke at the writing workshop I was at in Fort Lauderdale, ended the workshop with these words below and inspired me to have the courage to share the deepest darkest moments of my life in this post. Thank you Nancy!